God. I feel awfully miserable right now.
You see, I was checking for updates on fanfiction when this one particular story caught my eyes. I recalled I've seen the title a couple of times, but because the main character is Vlad, one of DP characters whom I'm not really fond of (I mean okay he's an interesting character and everything, but come on, he's still an antagonistic fruit loop. He's made to be hated lol) and the stories are usually either a pompous pep which I normally hate (yes I read them sometimes, you know, to...ok, I won't even talk about it it's not even in the topic), or the ones where Danny gets tortured by Vlad in various ways in many of his elusive, deranged and plain evil plans, I took it for granted. I just simply ignored it. But this time, because of a lack of decent updates and I had nothing else to read (dumb authors everywhere), I decided it was worth a read, also it has quite many favorites so I guess why not? So I clicked the link directing to the first chapter.
That was the beginning of my worst nightmare.
Don't get me wrong, the story was good, exceeding my expectations even. I thanked God for the story was NOT a pompous pep. Really, I've had enough with them. I actually shed a tear when reading the first chapter, and I WAS IN A FRICKIN' BUS. A FRICKIN' CRAMMED, OVERCROWDED, AWFULLY NOISY, MIDDLE-LOWER CLASS PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION (don't ask why I still survived reading in that environment, I just did). And I shed a tear. I went home reading the whole first chapter, excited. There's not many Vlad-Danny fic that is worth reading like this, and the idea of Danny died saving Vlad and he actually felt guilty and he regretted and grieved for what was happening to the boy, also with the story mostly told from Vlad's point of view, well, it's actually felt quite original. Okay maybe not so original, as it is most likely a canon to the original series (you just kinda get it after the whole TUE thing--the whole felt grief for him thing, I feel sorry for you who doesn't even have a clue of what I'm rambling about), but ugh, the story was just so sad, and she wrote it so beautifully, as I was able to feel all the emotions and picture every single events occurred in the story clearly. She is so amazing with words, she describes things realistically and you could actually feel what the characters in the story are feeling. It's what made me cry in the first place. The part when Danny died and Vlad begging him to come back, it was so heartbreaking. Just so you know, there's not many authors on DP fandom who succeeded on making such beautiful story involving mainly on one prominent character's inner turmoil, or in this case, Vlad's. At one point I can really feel his wish for Danny to come back to life, to the extent that he considered, scratch that, determined to get Desiree to grant his wish for that. Oh I don't know, her writing is just so...I can't even find the right word anymore.
The first chapter was nothing compared to the later chapters: chapter 4, the frozen corpse. When the Fentons were grieving over their youngest member; when Maddie was reduced to tears, Jack no longer had that cheerful aura he always seemed to radiate, when Jazz was sobbing, her eyes red, while Danny laid there, his face an eternal peaceful state, like one going trough an eternal sleep. The way she described it, it was so beautiful yet so disheartening. Chapter 5, the funeral. Where everybody bid goodbye to Danny. When Sam cried for him. When Dash actually cared. When his father kissed him on the forehead, with him still in that angelic, peaceful state. When his mother whispered words to him. Even when Paulina gave her own prayers to him--my god, Paulina. She acted like she was never a self-centered shallow bitch, no sir, in fact she acted very gentle toward Danny. Like she was actually mourning over him, or at least, had an enough respect to at least showed condolences. It was all so sad, forcing me to realize that Danny is really gone. Or maybe that's what made me most sad: I cannot comprehend the fact that Danny is
dead. My mind simply won't accept it. To me, he'll always live through anything. He's the hero, he'll always come back; even from death. When the realization of him being truly dead and won't be coming back was dawned on me, well, it burst me in tears. I love him too much for him to be dead.
Okay, the story is great and all, so why the hell am I feeling miserable right now?
No, it's not because Danny's dead. He's a fictional character. He'll come around in other stories.
What makes me miserable is a fact that I found AFTER I read all the available chapters.
When I decided to hit the Bio link displayed on my phone screen.
Because of my curiosity about this awesome author, I want to know more about her.
But it was then that everything went downhill.
The author is only
sixteen.
And she's from
Indonesia.
Go figure.
I actually CRIED when I first found this out. No, actually, scratch that, I had a fit. I was throwing quite a tantrum I practically threw my phone away (fortunately it landed on the pillow). Okay, maybe a little too overreactive but seriously, what does she eat? She writes just like any other high-rated fanfiction authors with English as their native language...but she's actually not. She is, in fact, originated from the same country as I am. But you wouldn't have a clue. Seeing her word construction, and the way she executes the story (well-developed plot by the way), you wouldn't have thought that she's not a native, not in a million years. Really, her grammar is perfect, if not a bit flawed. I don't know, I can't even find any grammatical errors--that's just shows how far the gap between mine and her ability is. And her choice of words is just...simply amazing. Not to mention her way of thinking--it's far surpassing her age. I can't even--ugh. Okay. I admit I feel so jealous of her, especially at the fact that we're of the same age, and share interest on English literature. And SHE is the one who does it better. And I'm NOTHING compared to her. Her display of skill reduced me to that of a person with no language skills whatsoever. It's nauseating how overwhelmingly good her skill is.
Now I see why jealousy is a green-eyed monster...
In actuality, it's not that I hate her or anything (or God-knows-how-many-more people with ability equaling her--I'm starting to get really paranoid). I'm just so used to the fact that I'm always at the top when it comes to English. People praise me for my ability, and...well, you really can't help but get your ego boosted, even when you really don't want to, and you're starting to believe to what they say. English is the only subject I most excel at at school, as I am one of the best (when it comes to that subject) in my class, so it has become part of my pride as an individual. I'm quite a self-conscious, I've never been the one to overestimate my self (quite the opposite even), so I won't be so easily to let my self get carried away by compliments--I know I still have a lot to learn--but despite that I still hold on to my pride to some degree. Simply knowing the fact that there will always be someone better than you out there won't struck you in realization until you truly find one. I know, because I live my whole life trying to hold on modesty, to keep my self away from a disease known as conceit--I think it's one of humans' biggest weaknesses, besides, I always hate conceited people who think so highly of themselves *blows a raspberry*. I always keep reminding my self that I'm still nothing, there will always be someone on a higher place but...maybe because the lack of competition, or rather--forgive me if it sounds way
too snobbish--some worthy competitors, I often seem to not fully realize that, which can make me feel so full of myself sometimes. Discovering a girl your age who can write so much better than you is...well, it stings. To put it simply, it wounds my pride. Hard to admit, but it's true. So I guess to always stay humble you need to get pang'd on the face every once in a while.
But still, it sucks to feel so inadequate.
anyway, in case you're interested, here's the link to her fic:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8521432/1/Sacrifice
