#fact

source: binart.tumblr.com

and this is exactly why I suck at body proportions.

look what i found

Halooo. Berapa hari tidak berjumpa, blog! I miss you muah.
Kali ini gue mau ngepost curhatan lama di buku diary gue.
Tulisan ini gue baca ada di buku diary lama gue pas gue nemuin diary lama tersebut. Alasan utama kenapa gue melupakan buku tersebut adalah karena banyak hal memalukan yang terukir di dalamnya. Gue berusaha melupakan masa lalu yang memalukan dan menyakitkan.
Tapi gue pikir, ini yang tergak alay this one isn't half bad.
Gue lupa ini ditulisnya kapan. Rupanya diri gue di masa lalu tidak mau repot-repot untuk membubuhkan tanggal. Kalo tau bakal kayak gini, gue cekek deh tuh diri gue di masa lalu.

What Do You Think of A Power to Change the Past?

I sure have changed. A lot...since then.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to live in the past.
Rewrite everything from the beginning... Making my life better.

Just Imagining about it...somehow it makes me feel better.
There are many embarrassing things that I've done in the past. Too embarrassing, for some of them, that I don't want to have any memories of them anymore. I just can't stand having them in my mind.
I've done a lot of shameful things to my friends, that I didn't even realize it was shameful back then.
I'm angry of my own naivety, how simple my thoughts had been, how I was seeing the world in black and white. You stupid innocent child.

I just want to undo my life, and rewrite it right from when I was born.
Well maybe not that early--I'd hate to repeat my life as a baby, but maybe
when I was a bit older.
Like when I was in my first grade of elementary school. Yeah, that would be a perfect time to start over. Surely my life would be better than now, wouldn't it? There'll be many things that I didn't get then, I'd get now.
Everything started when I entered the elementary school, and so by starting from there everything would be perfect because I already know where I want to go, where to decide my life. I won't pick wrong choices anymore. Not this time.

But come to think of it, those wrong choices were the ones that carved the current me.
If I pick other choices, the right ones--at least what I think are right-- will I still be wanting the same thing as I want it now?
Maybe I won't even get to know some of my favorite things in the world right now.
Maybe I won't even know the wonderful thing called comic books.
Maybe I won't have any interests in drawing at all.
Maybe my friends will be different.
Maybe...it will just feel wrong.
Maybe by changing it once will just make me want to change it again and again, and again.
Because it's never right.

Thinking of that makes me greatful for the way things are now.
I already have perfect life, even when I did make mistakes in the past.
You can always fix it by living your life as best as you can.

Typical right, ungreatful thoughts, reasoning, and then the life lesson. The end.
But unfortunately for me, it isn't.

I wish my thoughts end there, with that "live your life fully" bullshit.
They're not. They just keep going and expanding like the universe.

Possibilities.
Possibilities.
Possibilities.

So, they continue.

Still, it will be interesting if you have the power to rewrite your life!
If you know where to go, that is.
But that's the problem, no one knows where to go.
It's not like we can see the future ahead of us.
What we thought would be good at first isn't necessarily good for us, later on.
There are too many possibilities, too many we can't even count them, there will always be.
By changing one of those possibilities you'll just create another mess of sequence of endless possibilities you won't be able to clean up.

And so it will add up to another one of your problems.
Too busy thinking about possibilities you forget to live the life you have now.
Too preoccupied on thinking the what ifs, instead of what happen in the present.
And in the end, you forgot how to live.

Tragic.

What should I do, then?
I try to make the most of my life but the thoughts...the thoughts are very tempting. Emphasis on the very.
I mean, how is it the thoughts of you changing your past are not tempting?
It must be.
People say all the time, live your life, don't think too much about it.
But I dare say that there will always be that moment when you'd just sit down, staring longingly at nothing in particular and thinking about how your life would've been if you (..........) --> fill in the blank.

Now I'm babbling too much.

And this is all nonsense.

I think I'm going to sleep.



(unknown date)

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Aaaaah... apa sih yang gue pikirkan saat itu.
Kayaknya gue mau bikin diary lagi deh.

Bonus: kitty-pocalypse!!!

Starting Tomorrow...

Karena persiapan UN anak kelas 12 kita jadi pada diliburin. Tapi tentu saja gue sebagai pemegang status anak sekolahan tidak pernah terbebas dari yang namanya tugas. Apa itu tugas? Gak tau. Pengen amnesia aja rasanya. Kalo besok nggak ada kewajiban untuk dateng dan ngerjain tugas-tugas tersebut, gue udah ngeluyur deh depan laptop aja seharian. Biarin.

Btw tadi buka tumblr kedapetan baca cerita angsty banget men. Bayangin, Danny mati. Sumpah ya tuh anak seumuran gue padahal, makannya apa sih. Nulis kok keren banget. Gue masih kebayang-bayang sampe sekarang. Blood blossom sialan. Mahkota duri sialan. Headcanon my ass.

Dengan segala kesibukan yang gue jalani sendiri, gue menyadari bahwa gue semakin merasa ter-misplaced dengan anak-anak lain. Omongan gue gak nyambung cuy sama mereka. Kadang ada momen di mana lu pengen banget garuk tanah saking frustrasinya kenapa lu gak pernah bisa nyampur dengan baik sama mereka. Heran. Kenapa juga gue dilahirkan dalam lingkungan yang kayak gini. Sementara ada jutaan orang kayak gue di belahan dunia lain. Kadang, oke, sering, lu berpikir kan, betapa dunia ini gak adil.

Rupanya itu satu-satunya kesamaan yang gue miliki dengan mereka.

Kita sama-sama ngerasa dunia nggak adil.

Tentu aja, penyebabnya beda-beda. Dan gak melulu semuanya penting.

Malah gue rasa, saking dangkalnya mereka, kaki gue gak bakal basah kalo nyemplung.

Masalah di dunia ini banyak woy gak cuma lo aja.

Oke ini gaje banget. Ini postingan apa sih sebenernya?

just percy with all of his dorky glory

he's just so cute i cannot possibly. this picture makes me really happy somehow. what a moodbooster.

Ehehehe

Ehem, Jadi, menyangkut postingan kemaren. Gua udah cerita kan kemaren itu ultahnya phandom. Dan gue bikin fanart buat ngerayainnya. Pagi-pagi pas gue ngecek tumblr, gue menemukan kejutan yang bikin mood gua bagus sepanjang hari.

Pertama, ectolime nge-reblog gambar gue.

men, gue paling seneng kalo dia udah ngereblog. gua selalu menunggu reblog-an dari dia *ups

Aaaaaaaaah itu rasa seneng sampe ke surga.
Masalahnya, dia itu tukang bikin fanart Danny Phantom paling populer di tumblr. Gila, satu posting dia aja bisa dapet ratusan note, entah itu like atau reblog. Gambarnya juga lucu-lucu, dan idenya keren ada-ada aja. Gue ngefans banget sama dia. Dan pas dia ngereblog...lu tau dia ngasih tag apa aja ke gambar gue?

segitu so sweetnya kah gambarku aaah aku tersanjung (because seriously itu gue gambar last minute bgt)

KYAAAAAAAAAAAA
Gue seneng banget dong dia suka sama hasil karya gue :') hiks. I love you kikai. Btw dia gimana ya kalo tau gue ngefiturin dia tanpa izin hehehe.

Yang kedua, gambar gue di-like sama viria
aaaaaaaAAAAdfghjkl she's basically a celebrity on tumblr. Setiap posting pasti dapet minimal 1000 notes haha. I'm serious her art is flawless. Dan dia bahkan bukan anggota phandom. Dia biasa buat fanart Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, dan Homestuck. Tapi seringnya sih Percy. Emmm gue udah semacam menghamba deh sama dia gue heran kenapa ada orang sehebat dia. Jadi pas gua tau dia ngelike gambar gue....

Udah deh gue melayang sampe ke langit ketujuh

Yang terakhir, postingan gue yang satu itu dapet 240 notes (terakhir gue cek). Itu rekor buat gue, karena rata2 postingan gambar gue paling dapet 40 notes. Pertama pas pagi, gue cek masih 100-an notes. Tapi gak disangka nambah, nambah, nambah terus sampe jadi 200 maygat seneng banget... Seneng banget... karena gue adalah semacam pariah di tumblr. Kalangan rendahan dan gak populer gitu deh haha. Seneng bangetlah dapet note sampe ratusan.

Pokoknya, seneng banget deh Danniversary kemaren. Mungkin Danny Phantom fandom bukan salah satu yang terbesar, tapi bagi gue itu adalah salah satu yang terbaik. Karena kecil, orang-orang yang aktifnya itu-itu aja. Jadi serasa keluarga :)

Btw viria lagi suka ngereblog fanart Danny Phantom lho. Danniversary emang banyak hikmahnya yaaa. Semoga dia tertular virus phandom.

Mood of the day:

Ngefly

Happy Birthday, Phandom!

Hari ini anniversary Danny Phantom yang ke 9. *tiup terompet*
Resmi 9 tahun semenjak airing episode pertama. A solid 9 years. Hiks.
Walaupun begitu, kita phandom tetap merayakannya dengan gembira.
Oh iya, phandom itu sebutan untuk fandomnya Danny Phantom.  
Phantom, fandom, get it?
Cool pun I know.
Phanart ada dimana-mana hari ini. Melimpah ruah seperti habis panen.
Gua juga ikut berkontribusi dong, sebagai seorang phangirl yang setia.
Malah saking semangatnya gua menyumbangkan 2 gambar hehehe padahal utsnya susah minta ampun. Gatau deh nilainya berapa. Semoga di atas 5  Ah sudahlah tak usah dibahas.
Pokoknya selamat Dannyversary ya semuaaa.
Ah lagi seneng nih uhuy uhuy hihihi. No artblock this week.

Yang ini gue bikin kemaren

Yang ini gue bikin barusan hehehe