Time Is Cruel

You know the sad thing about humans? We age. That's okay actually, for most of us (normal people of no importance whatsoever). But for some people, it's just not fair for them to grow old. They are just so perfect in one point of their life it hurts seeing them change because of age. People like Colin Morgan, with his crooked, sweet smile, they should be untouched by time. They are meant to be forever young, so why, God, why do you have to take it away from him, uh, them?

Hello?

There is a BIG difference between trying to do what's right and making justification over your own sheer convenience.

And there are many assholes in this world, that's okay, at least they don't deny that they aren't the best kind of people. But hypocrites? I'll never be so sure with them. Their words don't match their actions. Sometimes, they act like they are the manifestation of righteousness itself it makes me sick. Because they're not, they're just a bunch of frauds.

So, uh, they're a lot worse, I guess.
A lot worse.

What is clarity?

The universe keeps on expanding, what would happen to us if we restrict ourselves from evolving just because some foolish, baseless, unwarranted beliefs that just serve as some sort of safe haven--a comfort zone? We may as well be dead, that's what. Rocks, they don't develop, do they? They are just rocks, non-living things. Well, you might as well be a rock if you shut yourself off from foreign things that revolve around you. And that's just it, narrow minded people are like rocks. They are hard to change. They are stubborn people who are quick to judge, so hell-bent on keeping what they believe without trying to understand why they do so, and always ready to confront people who are against their beliefs.

What is clarity? To reach that point of state, shouldn't we be free of any restricting thoughts that ground us?

I don't even know if the word 'should' is allowed, as we are supposed to be free of any judgmental thinking. Ah, there, I did it again.

lagi pengen ngegosip nih.

Hah, oke, hari ini lagi kurang kerjaan. Gua tau ini udah lama, tapi tadi gua ngebrowsing vma-nya Miley Cyrus yang historikal (dalam konteks ketidaksenonohannya) itu. Gua udah denger sih betapa banyak seleb-seleb lain yang, eh, shock ngeliat aksi dia di panggung, tapi berhubung gua gak nonton jadi gua pengen liat dengan mata kepala sendiri. Jadi aja gua cari dokumentasinya.

Hasil yang gua dapatkan ternyata lebih parah dari dugaan awal gua, dan sekarang gua gak bisa berenti untuk menangisi Miley. Ya ampun, Miley, sabar yah. Anda akan mengalami masa "penyadaran diri" (apa pun maksudnya itu) yang berat. Catatan hidup Anda telah ternodai, dengan tinta campuran tai ayam dan pete yang dibiarin membusuk selama seminggu yang ketumpahan susu basi dan kecipratan air selokan. Amit-amit. Sumpah, malu gua ngeliatnya. Sementara penyanyi lain yang emang suka buka-bukaan di panggung kayak, sebut aja, Britney Spears, atau Beyonce, punya aura hebat untuk mengimbanginya sehingga berhasil untuk tetap terlihat menawan (ciaaat), dalam kasus Miley ini dia cuma terlihat sebagai cewek murahan yang lari-larian di panggung. Ditambah, perilaku-perilaku yang kurang bisa diterima di masyarakat lainnya, contohnya, um, apa pun yang dia lakukan terhadap Robin Thicke. You know, lah. I'm not going to even mention it here. Too inappropriate. Udah gitu, lidahnya. Melet-melet gajelas gitu kayak anjing kepanasan. Udah deh, gue gak bakal heran kalo ntar tercipta sebuah slang di mana orang yang melet-melet secara berlebihan dibilang "going Miley". Melet-melet is overrated, dan ini bahkan nggak ada hubungannya dengan para anjing yang memang alamiah kalo melet-melet, haduh.

Gak heran kok gue kalo Liam batalin pertunangan mereka. Apalagi mengingat bahwa Liam adalah cowok baik-baik, gua aja yang bukan tunangannya takut kok ngeliatnya, apalagi dia yang ngeliat beratnya prospek masa depan mereka kalau saja mereka memutuskan untuk terus maju ke pelaminan. She'll be one hell of a challenge (tapi dia lumayan bego juga udah tau Miley ada tendensi alay gitu tinggalin aja ya dari dulu padahal udah tau hubungan on-off gitu).

Gua setuju terhadap apa yang dibilang Brooke Shield, bahwa tindakan Miley itu desperate. Dia pengen banget diakui bahwa dia udah dewasa, tapi apa yang dia lakukan justru bertentangan dengan status yang ingin dia capai (yaitu dianggap dewasa). Duh, mana ada orang dewasa melet-melet sambil maenin styrofoam bentuk jari sambil setengah telanjang di depan umum. Dan jujur aja, semua perilaku yang dia tunjukkin keliatan gak natural, semacam, Miley yang sekarang itu hanya sisa cangkang dari Miley yang pernah ada sebelumnya. Not that I blame her that she wants to get out of her "Disney star" brand. Gue hanya kangen Miley yang, yah, gak berlebihan. Modest. Her dad did a good job nurturing her, it's just her that's stupid for not wanting it in my opinion. Mana ada sih orangtua yang mau menjerumuskan anaknya. Apalagi kalo sang ortu ingin menjaga anaknya agar tidak jatuh dalam lubang ke-alay-an. Yang mungkin Miley udah jatuh sedalam 20 kilometer, gatau juga gue. Btw, 20 km itu kira-kira setebal kerak bumi, tapi gua rasa itu gak penting di sini.

Dalam topik yang sama sekali tidak berhubungan, kalian tahu gak sih Jada Pinkett Smith itu umurnya udah 42 tahun? Foto-foto terbaru menunjukkan bahwa dia punya "bikini body" layaknya orang umur 20-an. With the flat tummy and small thighs and all.

*sigh* Dunia memang tidak adil. Dan gila, tentu saja.

Stupid

It's not fair. I've been holding the feeling up since like before the new year of 2013, and it still won't go away until now. No matter how many logical explanations I try to tell myself, I still can't accept it. He had, has, whatever, already gone through too much to be just, well, dead like that. As simple as turning the palm of one's hand. Just unacceptable. No matter how good Superior Spider-Man is, and I do read it, I'd still loath it as long as I'm still a human being on this planet. I so hate Marvel right now, and I demand The Amazing Spider-Man to continue. If they have any plan to bring Peter back, it'd better be worth the price for what they'd done to him in the first place. Killed him without any reason whatsoever, that is. Don't give me that crap about him Doc Ock being easier to write, it's a weak excuse, so just shut up, okay. And I hope Doc Ock gets pummeled to death (no really). Sure, it's good and all now that it's just reached the 14th volume, but with a personality like that it gets boring over time. Boring Spidey is a no-no. Where's the joke? He doesn't even crack jokes anymore (or at least a decent one), all serious and stuff. It's not Gotham, man. Seriously, how long do I have to wait for the resurrection? I. Want. Peter. Back.
Period.

(Doc Ock can just go to hell for all I care, rots in Fields of Punishment or whatever)

Geek out

Kalo liat-liat film yang masih pada coming soon di internet, kayaknya gue ga bakal kehabisan persediaan film superhero di arsenal sampe tahun 2015. Kayaknya. Then again, mengingat sifat manusia yang nggak ada puasnya, ini cukup meragukan juga. Mungkin habis nonton Thor: The Dark World November nanti, gue bakal sakau duluan sebelum film lainnya muncul.

Nggak tau ya, seneng aja gitu. Yang paling gue tunggu-tunggu sih ya itu, The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Mengobati kekecewaan yang disebabkan oleh komiknya juga sih sebenernya, setelah kejadian mengecewakan di mana tubuh Peter diambil alih oleh Doc Ock dan sampe sekarang belum jelas statusnya, bakal balik lagi apa nggak 'kesadaran' si Peter itu (sumpah, gue benci banget yang pas chapter Dying Wish!!!). Apa asyiknya Spider-Man kalo ngga ada Peter Parker coba? Sayang filmnya masih Mei 2014, walaupun teaser trailernya udah leak pas comic-con kemaren (lumayan, walaupun ga high-res tapi um, ya, kinda worth it lah. Ada adegan Peter buka bajunya hehehe) Udah ada isu juga katanya, katanya nih ya, udah dipastiin filmnya bakal sampe Amazing Spider-Man 4, dan pas shooting film yang ke-2nya itu juga sambil selang-seling sama pengambilan gambar buat film yang ke-3. Tapi hebat lho, udah nongkrong di posisi 18 aja di IMDB, sedangkan Thor yang mau main November nanti aja cuma di posisi 33. Antusiasnya itu, mungkin gara-gara sutradaranya juga nekat bakal ngeroyokin si Spidey pake banyak musuh. Katanya sih yang bakal muncul selain Elektro, ada Rhino juga, dan di akhir filmnya nanti, Green Goblin juga bakal muncul. Belum lagi kasus (kasus?) Felicity Jones yang belum terkonfirmasi perannya sebagai apa, yang banyak diisukan juga dia bakal main sebagai Black Cat. Disebutin juga katanya salah satu konflik utamanya adalah cinta segitiga antara Peter, Gwen, dan Mary Jane. Whew, Peter's got a lot on his plate. Gue hanya berharap sutradaranya gak ter-overwhelmed sama mainan sebanyak itu, kayak kejadian Spider-Man 3 yang gagal banget jadinya. Yah pengen plotnya bener-bener dimasak sampe mateng aja gitu.

Pindah ke Thor: The Dark World, hmmm, film ini menarik juga kayaknya. Jane Foster diculik ke Asgard, oleh tak lain dan tak bukan Lo...nggak, Thor. jadi ceritanya si Jane ini jadi sasaran musuh, jadi mau diamankan gitu. Musuhnya juga lumayan seru tuh, Malekith, penguasa Dark Elves of Svartalfheim. Jeleknya juga ga tanggung-tanggung. Ga terlalu tau lebih detailnya sih, kebiasaan buruk gue kalo lagi baca-baca komik marvel pasti gue skip bagian villainnya. Langsung ke bagian yang ganteng-ganteng dan berbodi keren aja. Ehehem. Mungkin nanti bakal baca lagi di Wiki, I dunno. Tapi katanya Malektih itu ada hubungan aliansi sama Loki, nah hubungan ini bakal dibentuknya di bagian mana fimnya gue ngga tau. Si Malekith ini jago loh, untung aja gak pinter-pinter amat (bohong, pinter banget kok dia, ya tapi gitu, egonya juga segede apatau). Kelemahannya juga sama besi, jadi mungkin nyangkut di tiang bendera juga dia megap-megap kayak orang kesurupan. Pasti dia gabakal pernah jadi pengibar bendera gue ngomong apa sih ini.

Untuk film-film berikutnya di tahun 2014 selain ASM 2, katanya sih bakal ada Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Apr 4), X-Men: Days of Future Past (Jul 18), sama Guardians of the Galaxy (Ags 1). Buat yang disebutin terakhir, what a mouthful name. Ngga ngerti lagi, mau se-klise apa sih komik Amerika. Seriusan, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Justice League? Yah, seenggaknya seru. Buat yang non-marvel, katanya bakal ada Transformer 4 (Jun 27). Untuk Avengers 2, udah dikonfirmasi rilis tahun 2015 (Mei 1), disusul sama Ant Man (Nov 6). Seriously, Ant Man? He's like the lamest superhero ever, not to mention the name. I prefer Akimichi Chouji, thanks. I dunno, I just get all the wrong vibes just by hearing the name (no seriously).

Sekian, mau baca fanfiction berbumbu deskripsi anatomi yang jelas dulu hehehe, if you know what I'm talking about? Of course you don't ;) Laters.

This one had just made my day.

This lazy piece of shit.

Ah, this is why I love cats.

Limbo

Not a hellish week, nor a heavenly one. This week is just plain uneventful and boring. It's so boring that I practically beg for the teachers to come teaching to class while usually in the first week of school I'm just too lazy to do anything productive. Well, not practically, but you know what I mean  (but they just won't come dammit). I swear I won't be going to school at all one of these days if they keep on being inefficient like this. My back is stiff and my ass hurt being forced to sit for almost 5 hours. Stupid school. Stupid new curriculum. Stupid government. I'd rather spend my time on internet all day.

On a different note, Naruto is getting annoyingly stupid in the latest chapters. I know you like to keep the character 'simple and stupid' Kishi, but this is too much. I mean, sure, he's thick oftentimes, but come on, the guy sucks jutsus like a vacuum. He cannot be that stupid. And that's like his, what, umpteenth time of battle? He should've had more experience to not be that stupid. I'm so done with the word stupid. He's not even that stupid, really. Dude just has a different way of learning, and naivety can't be count as stupid, is it? He needs some character development, I swear.

I hope this week of obscurity will end soon. I hate being kept hanging. And I hate grammars, too, but that's irrelevant. To the topic, anyway. Ta!


-Ani, pelajar belum dapet ktp-

Pahlawan Negeri

Tidak ada yang spesial darinya, kalau boleh jujur. Ini bukan pandangan bias, bukan karena pengalaman selama bertahun-tahun direndahkan oleh orang-orang di sekitarnya, atau sebuah pandangan pesimis terhadap diri sendiri. Pada kenyataannya, memang tidak ada yang spesial darinya.
Ia hanya orang biasa.

Eh, mungkin orang biasa yang memiliki berat dan proporsi tubuh yang di atas rata-rata. Apa boleh buat. Bukan salahnya ia memiliki sedikit kelebihan rasa cinta terhadap makanan. Yah, mungkin memang seharusnya ia dapat lebih mengontrol dirinya, tapi itu seperti menghentikan seseorang yang hobi melukis untuk berhenti melukis, bukan?
Kurang lebih, menghentikan seseorang dari hobinya adalah sebuah dosa.

Dan jika makan, baginya, bukanlah sebuah hobi, ia tidak tahu lagi mau menamainya apa.

Ia menyadari, tentu saja, bahwa hobinya bukanlah jenis yang banyak membawa keuntungan. Ia tahu ia akan mati mengenaskan suatu saat jika ia melanjutkan hobi ini. Jantung, ginjal, pencernaan, kanker, diabetes...hal ini menghantuinya setiap harinya. Seandainya ia dapat memilih...haah, apa boleh buat. Ia suka makan. Bukan, ia cinta makanan. Dan ia bersumpah akan membuat hobi ini mendatangkan keuntungan secara langsung ataupun tidak langsung, entah baginya atau bagi orang lain di sekitarnya. Sebelum ia mati dengan mengenaskan. Ya.

Tentu saja. Akan ia buktikan pada orang-orang itu, kontribusinya pada dunia.

bersambung...

post-apocalypse

Hey! Hey hey hey~
So.
The so-called infamous final exam has finally come to an end, hence my writing this posting. It felt far shorter than I expected, not that I can complain about it.
About the result...well, I have anticipated of a big disappointment so I'm trying to not to be so hopeful. In other words, it's downright failure at worst, and mediocre at best. Just barely scraping the passing score. Or something like that. It's hard, though. After all, I have quite a high goal to achieve.
But my grades are just not willing to cooperate. It makes me so sad...especially because I don't feel like my brain is that incapable...
Anyway.
After the week-long struggle and the lifting of some significant amount of weight off my shoulder, I feel strangely empty now. It's not just because I'm just so used to all the hecticness, but also because I feel I wasn't trying hard enough during the exam. It left the "so that's it?" feeling. It's just so unsettling! I should've tried harder! But then again, it's no use to cry over spilt milk. I've made my mistake. Again.
It's just so hard to let my unwillingness go.
I'm the most pathetic human being ever to exist.

I'm filling my free-from-school days with lots of hanging out these days. This week I've already went to the cinema twice. My respond about the two movies...well, they were right about After Earth being a disappointment. The only thing I enjoyed from watching it is the constant shock--typical of horror movies, when it's not even from that genre--and even that was predictable (the fact that I went to watch with my friend was a plus side, though, it made the movie much more enjoyable than it should be). The act, let's just say the Smiths could do better than that. Shyamalan still got a long way to go. I just learn not to expect much from him. Except if he's making another horror. Suspense is quite acceptable. Just not action or adventure. As for Man of Steel, well, it's enjoyable. It's not near epicness, but enjoyable none the less. It's a Superman movie after all, none of those seriousness or complications or that much tenseness in Batman, although they had managed to make it more intense than its predecessors quite beautifully. What surprising is we get to see the more organic part of Krypton, and that is commendable. It's not a dead planet, after all, not after it explode. I do hope they still decide to make it into a trilogy. This is the greatest Superman movie so far. And Cavill is just too hot to just show up in one movie, I hope they understand the work of teenage hormones and use it for their marketing strategy. About JLA, I'm not quite sure it'll go on project now that I've seen MoS isn't quite meeting the expectation, my expectation at least, but it's got a high 8.4 rating in IMDB and good general response from public, so I still have hope.

And that's about as far as my holidays go.

abaikan

Hanya gue rasa, demisexual nggak seharusnya dijadikan istilah, apalagi sebagai pilihan dalam menentukan orientasi seksual. Karena, cinta emang tumbuh seiring dengan perjalanan kita dengan seseorang (baca: pasangan kita). Tak kenal maka tak sayang, kan? Kita kan bukan masyarakat gak bermoral yang "main semalam, terus tinggal". Ketertarikan sesaat yang ngaak berkembang jadi hubungan lebih lanjut nggak bisa dikatakan sebagai perasaan "cinta".

Catbug got your tongue?

 This creature here

catbuuuuuuug

 is the most adorable thing ever.

And you guys should all watch Bravest Warriors, it's awesome.
It's got catbug in it.

I cannot write properly now, as I am too busy admiring the cuteness of a cat-ladybug hybrid thing.

The voice actor is five, by the way. He said he will soon turn six.

Iron Man 3

People talk about Iron Man 3 so much these days. My friends are busy talking about whether they have watched it or not. I'm not surprised, the movie is good, it deserves that much attention.
But one thing I love the most about the movie: Tony is being that 'aaaw, let me hug you' character. Good job on making me squealing like a crazy fangirl, Robert. Those panic attacks are the best.
What I laugh at from the movie, well, remember that last scene when Tony destroyed all of his iron man suits by exploding it to make it look like fireworks (to make Pepper happy)? Yep, that one. Maybe it's romantic, yes, but to me it looks just like some kind of plot device to wipe out all of his suit. He's left with no suit afterward, and that's exactly what the movie makers want to achieve. His reasoning: those suit are just cocoon to the new him. Romantic reasons are the best material to make plot devices, apparently. Hmm, works enough, though I think it's kinda stupid.
I'm not satisfied with the ending, though. It kinda left me hanging. I mean, that's it? Does this mean you won't go as Iron Man anymore, or what? Although overall, this is still a good movie, I don't think you should do that to the ending. It leaves a bitter taste to the mouth, and also, it feels rushed. To me, anyway, I don't know about you guys. I just hope the fans make enough noise for an Iron Man 4, with no less quality than its three predecessors, of course.

No, it's not impossible. Have you seen those Star Wars movies?

#fact

source: binart.tumblr.com

and this is exactly why I suck at body proportions.

look what i found

Halooo. Berapa hari tidak berjumpa, blog! I miss you muah.
Kali ini gue mau ngepost curhatan lama di buku diary gue.
Tulisan ini gue baca ada di buku diary lama gue pas gue nemuin diary lama tersebut. Alasan utama kenapa gue melupakan buku tersebut adalah karena banyak hal memalukan yang terukir di dalamnya. Gue berusaha melupakan masa lalu yang memalukan dan menyakitkan.
Tapi gue pikir, ini yang tergak alay this one isn't half bad.
Gue lupa ini ditulisnya kapan. Rupanya diri gue di masa lalu tidak mau repot-repot untuk membubuhkan tanggal. Kalo tau bakal kayak gini, gue cekek deh tuh diri gue di masa lalu.

What Do You Think of A Power to Change the Past?

I sure have changed. A lot...since then.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to live in the past.
Rewrite everything from the beginning... Making my life better.

Just Imagining about it...somehow it makes me feel better.
There are many embarrassing things that I've done in the past. Too embarrassing, for some of them, that I don't want to have any memories of them anymore. I just can't stand having them in my mind.
I've done a lot of shameful things to my friends, that I didn't even realize it was shameful back then.
I'm angry of my own naivety, how simple my thoughts had been, how I was seeing the world in black and white. You stupid innocent child.

I just want to undo my life, and rewrite it right from when I was born.
Well maybe not that early--I'd hate to repeat my life as a baby, but maybe
when I was a bit older.
Like when I was in my first grade of elementary school. Yeah, that would be a perfect time to start over. Surely my life would be better than now, wouldn't it? There'll be many things that I didn't get then, I'd get now.
Everything started when I entered the elementary school, and so by starting from there everything would be perfect because I already know where I want to go, where to decide my life. I won't pick wrong choices anymore. Not this time.

But come to think of it, those wrong choices were the ones that carved the current me.
If I pick other choices, the right ones--at least what I think are right-- will I still be wanting the same thing as I want it now?
Maybe I won't even get to know some of my favorite things in the world right now.
Maybe I won't even know the wonderful thing called comic books.
Maybe I won't have any interests in drawing at all.
Maybe my friends will be different.
Maybe...it will just feel wrong.
Maybe by changing it once will just make me want to change it again and again, and again.
Because it's never right.

Thinking of that makes me greatful for the way things are now.
I already have perfect life, even when I did make mistakes in the past.
You can always fix it by living your life as best as you can.

Typical right, ungreatful thoughts, reasoning, and then the life lesson. The end.
But unfortunately for me, it isn't.

I wish my thoughts end there, with that "live your life fully" bullshit.
They're not. They just keep going and expanding like the universe.

Possibilities.
Possibilities.
Possibilities.

So, they continue.

Still, it will be interesting if you have the power to rewrite your life!
If you know where to go, that is.
But that's the problem, no one knows where to go.
It's not like we can see the future ahead of us.
What we thought would be good at first isn't necessarily good for us, later on.
There are too many possibilities, too many we can't even count them, there will always be.
By changing one of those possibilities you'll just create another mess of sequence of endless possibilities you won't be able to clean up.

And so it will add up to another one of your problems.
Too busy thinking about possibilities you forget to live the life you have now.
Too preoccupied on thinking the what ifs, instead of what happen in the present.
And in the end, you forgot how to live.

Tragic.

What should I do, then?
I try to make the most of my life but the thoughts...the thoughts are very tempting. Emphasis on the very.
I mean, how is it the thoughts of you changing your past are not tempting?
It must be.
People say all the time, live your life, don't think too much about it.
But I dare say that there will always be that moment when you'd just sit down, staring longingly at nothing in particular and thinking about how your life would've been if you (..........) --> fill in the blank.

Now I'm babbling too much.

And this is all nonsense.

I think I'm going to sleep.



(unknown date)

    Signature


Aaaaah... apa sih yang gue pikirkan saat itu.
Kayaknya gue mau bikin diary lagi deh.

Bonus: kitty-pocalypse!!!

Starting Tomorrow...

Karena persiapan UN anak kelas 12 kita jadi pada diliburin. Tapi tentu saja gue sebagai pemegang status anak sekolahan tidak pernah terbebas dari yang namanya tugas. Apa itu tugas? Gak tau. Pengen amnesia aja rasanya. Kalo besok nggak ada kewajiban untuk dateng dan ngerjain tugas-tugas tersebut, gue udah ngeluyur deh depan laptop aja seharian. Biarin.

Btw tadi buka tumblr kedapetan baca cerita angsty banget men. Bayangin, Danny mati. Sumpah ya tuh anak seumuran gue padahal, makannya apa sih. Nulis kok keren banget. Gue masih kebayang-bayang sampe sekarang. Blood blossom sialan. Mahkota duri sialan. Headcanon my ass.

Dengan segala kesibukan yang gue jalani sendiri, gue menyadari bahwa gue semakin merasa ter-misplaced dengan anak-anak lain. Omongan gue gak nyambung cuy sama mereka. Kadang ada momen di mana lu pengen banget garuk tanah saking frustrasinya kenapa lu gak pernah bisa nyampur dengan baik sama mereka. Heran. Kenapa juga gue dilahirkan dalam lingkungan yang kayak gini. Sementara ada jutaan orang kayak gue di belahan dunia lain. Kadang, oke, sering, lu berpikir kan, betapa dunia ini gak adil.

Rupanya itu satu-satunya kesamaan yang gue miliki dengan mereka.

Kita sama-sama ngerasa dunia nggak adil.

Tentu aja, penyebabnya beda-beda. Dan gak melulu semuanya penting.

Malah gue rasa, saking dangkalnya mereka, kaki gue gak bakal basah kalo nyemplung.

Masalah di dunia ini banyak woy gak cuma lo aja.

Oke ini gaje banget. Ini postingan apa sih sebenernya?

just percy with all of his dorky glory

he's just so cute i cannot possibly. this picture makes me really happy somehow. what a moodbooster.

Ehehehe

Ehem, Jadi, menyangkut postingan kemaren. Gua udah cerita kan kemaren itu ultahnya phandom. Dan gue bikin fanart buat ngerayainnya. Pagi-pagi pas gue ngecek tumblr, gue menemukan kejutan yang bikin mood gua bagus sepanjang hari.

Pertama, ectolime nge-reblog gambar gue.

men, gue paling seneng kalo dia udah ngereblog. gua selalu menunggu reblog-an dari dia *ups

Aaaaaaaaah itu rasa seneng sampe ke surga.
Masalahnya, dia itu tukang bikin fanart Danny Phantom paling populer di tumblr. Gila, satu posting dia aja bisa dapet ratusan note, entah itu like atau reblog. Gambarnya juga lucu-lucu, dan idenya keren ada-ada aja. Gue ngefans banget sama dia. Dan pas dia ngereblog...lu tau dia ngasih tag apa aja ke gambar gue?

segitu so sweetnya kah gambarku aaah aku tersanjung (because seriously itu gue gambar last minute bgt)

KYAAAAAAAAAAAA
Gue seneng banget dong dia suka sama hasil karya gue :') hiks. I love you kikai. Btw dia gimana ya kalo tau gue ngefiturin dia tanpa izin hehehe.

Yang kedua, gambar gue di-like sama viria
aaaaaaaAAAAdfghjkl she's basically a celebrity on tumblr. Setiap posting pasti dapet minimal 1000 notes haha. I'm serious her art is flawless. Dan dia bahkan bukan anggota phandom. Dia biasa buat fanart Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, dan Homestuck. Tapi seringnya sih Percy. Emmm gue udah semacam menghamba deh sama dia gue heran kenapa ada orang sehebat dia. Jadi pas gua tau dia ngelike gambar gue....

Udah deh gue melayang sampe ke langit ketujuh

Yang terakhir, postingan gue yang satu itu dapet 240 notes (terakhir gue cek). Itu rekor buat gue, karena rata2 postingan gambar gue paling dapet 40 notes. Pertama pas pagi, gue cek masih 100-an notes. Tapi gak disangka nambah, nambah, nambah terus sampe jadi 200 maygat seneng banget... Seneng banget... karena gue adalah semacam pariah di tumblr. Kalangan rendahan dan gak populer gitu deh haha. Seneng bangetlah dapet note sampe ratusan.

Pokoknya, seneng banget deh Danniversary kemaren. Mungkin Danny Phantom fandom bukan salah satu yang terbesar, tapi bagi gue itu adalah salah satu yang terbaik. Karena kecil, orang-orang yang aktifnya itu-itu aja. Jadi serasa keluarga :)

Btw viria lagi suka ngereblog fanart Danny Phantom lho. Danniversary emang banyak hikmahnya yaaa. Semoga dia tertular virus phandom.

Mood of the day:

Ngefly

Happy Birthday, Phandom!

Hari ini anniversary Danny Phantom yang ke 9. *tiup terompet*
Resmi 9 tahun semenjak airing episode pertama. A solid 9 years. Hiks.
Walaupun begitu, kita phandom tetap merayakannya dengan gembira.
Oh iya, phandom itu sebutan untuk fandomnya Danny Phantom.  
Phantom, fandom, get it?
Cool pun I know.
Phanart ada dimana-mana hari ini. Melimpah ruah seperti habis panen.
Gua juga ikut berkontribusi dong, sebagai seorang phangirl yang setia.
Malah saking semangatnya gua menyumbangkan 2 gambar hehehe padahal utsnya susah minta ampun. Gatau deh nilainya berapa. Semoga di atas 5  Ah sudahlah tak usah dibahas.
Pokoknya selamat Dannyversary ya semuaaa.
Ah lagi seneng nih uhuy uhuy hihihi. No artblock this week.

Yang ini gue bikin kemaren

Yang ini gue bikin barusan hehehe

Urrrrrgggggg....e

Craving. For. This. Book.
Been forever since I'm holding it up I'm going to explode.
Seeing them lovely fanarts and stuffs on tumblr just making things ten fold worse like ugggghhhh me want. Me want.
GIVE ME NOW PLEASE. PLEAAAASSEEE why is it so hard to search for the original copy? I mean it's not like I can go to Times conveniently whenever I want.

But seriously look at this baby.


Save me I'm wallowing in my own puddle of drool.

*sigh*...life's hard when you like fictional characters more than real people

Life of a Procrastinator

                                   Darn. He nailed it.

Yay

I've just upgraded my tablet driver. Guess what. It's actually working better now, though still has no pressure on Sai. I think Sai is the one being a jerk. Just die, Sai.
On second thought, no. Don't die, Sai.
Maybe the result looks not so different from before upgrade, but I had fun.
I'm infatuated with a fictional, super cute, blue-eyed, black-haired caucasian boy named Danny Fenton.
Of course, we're getting married in 2091828293209328, when the technology is advanced enough for us to be together.

Somehow.

Like this, maybe?

just accept it

Besides, who are you to say life isn't fair?

stop whining like a child. 

So the reality is

God. I feel awfully miserable right now.

You see, I was checking for updates on fanfiction when this one particular story caught my eyes. I recalled I've seen the title a couple of times, but because the main character is Vlad, one of DP characters whom I'm not really fond of (I mean okay he's an interesting character and everything, but come on, he's still an antagonistic fruit loop. He's made to be hated lol) and the stories are usually either a pompous pep which I normally hate (yes I read them sometimes, you know, to...ok, I won't even talk about it it's not even in the topic), or the ones where Danny gets tortured by Vlad in various ways in many of his elusive, deranged and plain evil plans, I took it for granted. I just simply ignored it. But this time, because of a lack of decent updates and I had nothing else to read (dumb authors everywhere), I decided it was worth a read, also it has quite many favorites so I guess why not? So I clicked the link directing to the first chapter.

That was the beginning of my worst nightmare.

Don't get me wrong, the story was good, exceeding my expectations even. I thanked God for the story was NOT a pompous pep. Really, I've had enough with them. I actually shed a tear when reading the first chapter, and I WAS IN A FRICKIN' BUS. A FRICKIN' CRAMMED, OVERCROWDED, AWFULLY NOISY, MIDDLE-LOWER CLASS PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION (don't ask why I still survived reading in that environment, I just did). And I shed a tear. I went home reading the whole first chapter, excited. There's not many Vlad-Danny fic that is worth reading like this, and the idea of Danny died saving Vlad and he actually felt guilty and he regretted and grieved for what was happening to the boy, also with the story mostly told from Vlad's point of view, well, it's actually felt quite original. Okay maybe not so original, as it is most likely a canon to the original series (you just kinda get it after the whole TUE thing--the whole felt grief for him thing, I feel sorry for you who doesn't even have a clue of what I'm rambling about), but ugh, the story was just so sad, and she wrote it so beautifully, as I was able to feel all the emotions and picture every single events occurred in the story clearly. She is so amazing with words, she describes things realistically and you could actually feel what the characters in the story are feeling. It's what made me cry in the first place. The part when Danny died and Vlad begging him to come back, it was so heartbreaking. Just so you know, there's not many authors on DP fandom who succeeded on making such beautiful story involving mainly on one prominent character's inner turmoil, or in this case, Vlad's. At one point I can really feel his wish for Danny to come back to life, to the extent that he considered, scratch that, determined to get Desiree to grant his wish for that. Oh I don't know, her writing is just so...I can't even find the right word anymore.

The first chapter was nothing compared to the later chapters: chapter 4, the frozen corpse. When the Fentons were grieving over their youngest member; when Maddie was reduced to tears, Jack no longer had that cheerful aura he always seemed to radiate, when Jazz was sobbing, her eyes red, while Danny laid there, his face an eternal peaceful state, like one going trough an eternal sleep. The way she described it, it was so beautiful yet so disheartening. Chapter 5, the funeral. Where everybody bid goodbye to Danny. When Sam cried for him. When Dash actually cared. When his father kissed him on the forehead, with him still in that angelic, peaceful state. When his mother whispered words to him. Even when Paulina gave her own prayers to him--my god, Paulina. She acted like she was never a self-centered shallow bitch, no sir, in fact she acted very gentle toward Danny. Like she was actually mourning over him, or at least, had an enough respect to at least showed condolences. It was all so sad, forcing me to realize that Danny is really gone. Or maybe that's what made me most sad: I cannot comprehend the fact that Danny is dead. My mind simply won't accept it. To me, he'll always live through anything. He's the hero, he'll always come back; even from death. When the realization of him being truly dead and won't be coming back was dawned on me, well, it burst me in tears. I love him too much for him to be dead.

Okay, the story is great and all, so why the hell am I feeling miserable right now?

No, it's not because Danny's dead. He's a fictional character. He'll come around in other stories.

What makes me miserable is a fact that I found AFTER I read all the available chapters.
When I decided to hit the Bio link displayed on my phone screen.
Because of my curiosity about this awesome author, I want to know more about her.

But it was then that everything went downhill.

The author is only sixteen.

And she's from Indonesia.

Go figure.

I actually CRIED when I first found this out. No, actually, scratch that, I had a fit. I was throwing quite a tantrum I practically threw my phone away (fortunately it landed on the pillow). Okay, maybe a little too overreactive but seriously, what does she eat? She writes just like any other high-rated fanfiction authors with English as their native language...but she's actually not. She is, in fact, originated from the same country as I am. But you wouldn't have a clue. Seeing her word construction, and the way she executes the story (well-developed plot by the way), you wouldn't have thought that she's not a native, not in a million years. Really, her grammar is perfect, if not a bit flawed. I don't know, I can't even find any grammatical errors--that's just shows how far the gap between mine and her ability is. And her choice of words is just...simply amazing. Not to mention her way of thinking--it's far surpassing her age. I can't even--ugh. Okay. I admit I feel so jealous of her, especially at the fact that we're of the same age, and share interest on English literature. And SHE is the one who does it better. And I'm NOTHING compared to her. Her display of skill reduced me to that of a person with no language skills whatsoever. It's nauseating how overwhelmingly good her skill is.

Now I see why jealousy is a green-eyed monster...

In actuality, it's not that I hate her or anything (or God-knows-how-many-more people with ability equaling her--I'm starting to get really paranoid). I'm just so used to the fact that I'm always at the top when it comes to English. People praise me for my ability, and...well, you really can't help but get your ego boosted, even when you really don't want to, and you're starting to believe to what they say. English is the only subject I most excel at at school, as I am one of the best (when it comes to that subject) in my class, so it has become part of my pride as an individual. I'm quite a self-conscious, I've never been the one to overestimate my self (quite the opposite even), so I won't be so easily to let my self get carried away by compliments--I know I still have a lot to learn--but despite that I still hold on to my pride to some degree. Simply knowing the fact that there will always be someone better than you out there won't struck you in realization until you truly find one. I know, because I live my whole life trying to hold on modesty, to keep my self away from a disease known as conceit--I think it's one of humans' biggest weaknesses, besides, I always hate conceited people who think so highly of themselves *blows a raspberry*. I always keep reminding my self that I'm still nothing, there will always be someone on a higher place but...maybe because the lack of competition, or rather--forgive me if it sounds way too snobbish--some worthy competitors, I often seem to not fully realize that, which can make me feel so full of myself sometimes. Discovering a girl your age who can write so much better than you is...well, it stings. To put it simply, it wounds my pride. Hard to admit, but it's true. So I guess to always stay humble you need to get pang'd on the face every once in a while.

But still, it sucks to feel so inadequate.

anyway, in case you're interested, here's the link to her fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8521432/1/Sacrifice

Really

I've been in a spirit of working on my future career-supporting project: digital art.
The bad news, mid test is near, homeworks and assignments are piling up, which resulting all my free time consumed on either doing homeworks or studying. More devastating news: the exciting activity involving a digital painting program and a pen tablet has to wait. Really, giliran lagi semangat dan ada inspirasi, waktunya nggak ada. Giliran lagi nganggur, artblock. Life's fair, I know. Maaf curhat di sini. I don't even know why I even take time to write this despite all this hecticness is that even a word.

Where Were You?

 You Found Me                              

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad  
Where the West was all but won  
All alone, smoking his last cigarette 
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything"
 
Where were you when everything was falling apart?  
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang  
And all I needed was a call that never came  
To the corner of 1st and Amistad
 
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me 
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait? 
Where were you? Where were you? 
Just a little late, you found me, you found me
 
But in the end everyone ends up alone  
Losing her, the only one who's ever known  
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be  
No way to know how long she will be next to me
 
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me 
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait? 
Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late, you found me, you found me
 
The early morning, the city breaks 
And I've been calling for years and years and years and years  
And you never left me no messages  
You never sent me no letters  
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want
 
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor, where were you? Where were you?
 
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait? 
Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late, you found me, you found me
 
Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?

Ha

So.

I have just stopped cracking up because of this post on tumblr saying;

It reminds me...I'm going to have a math test next Tuesday. I'm just kinda going to flunk on that, since I (less than) barely understand the materials. I refuse to deal with that. Yea, it's cool how one quote can teach you so much. 

Think About It

Don't judge book by its cover. That's what people tend to say, a lot. Well, they're not exactly wrong, but then, book cover is meant to be judged. It's what makes us interested to read the book in the first place. Imagine you're in a bookstore, then you see two different books set up in a line; one with a very attractive cover, and one with dull design. Surely you'll choose the attractive one, right? Maybe the contents turned out to be bad, but that's not the point. The point is, we can't help to feel attracted to the book at the first sight, courtesy of the cover.

It's the same with people. Even though it's not nice to judge people from their outer appearances, moreover people we don't know anything about, but still. We can't just blame people because of their wrong first impression about us. Because despite everything, first impression does matter, and outer appearances are what most people who don't know us see of us, whether we want it or not. Except you don't care about it, maybe it's time for some introspection and fixing ups, instead of frustrating ourselves up because of their arbitrary assumptions about us.

note: this is basically me talking to myself. just don't feel insulted or anything because in reality, you really cannot judge a book by its cover. I guess I'm just trying to make myself feel better by looking at my problem in a different light.

Kejadian Hari Ini, pt. 2

Setelah insiden dengan mas-mas menel pagi ini, pulang sekolahnya gue bertemu dengan sepasang kekasih yang sedang pacaran di depan rumah orang. Mereka mengejek gue, berkata, "kita dong pacaran, pasangan serasi antara cowok dengan ceweknya. Lihat, kita bahkan terlihat serupa. Muka kita mirip. Sementara lo hanya orang melarat yang cuma bisa dimenelin sama mas-mas gendut. Hus hus, gangguin kita lagi mesra aja."

Saking keselnya, gue foto mereka.

"Di sini, kau dan aku..."

Terkutuklah mereka. Terkutuk. Seenaknya bikin gue iri. Seenaknya pacaran depan rumah orang. Nanti gue laporin sama pemilik rumahnya.

Kejadian Hari Ini

Hari ini gua mengalami kejadian yang lumayan aneh. Hal ini diawali ketika gua naik bis Pusaka menuju sekolah. Gua duduk di barisan paling belakang, kalian tahu lah, di ujung kursi yang ngederet panjang itu. Kira-kira beberapa saat setelah melewati underpass di jalan baru, orang aneh ini naik. Tampangnya masih muda gitu, kayak mas-mas pada umumnya. Hanya gendut. Jadi pas naik dia senyum-senyum ke gue. Gue biarin aja, dikira dia permisi mau duduk di tempat sebelah kiri gue yang masih kosong, serius, masih luas banget deh, bahkan untuk ukuran pantat orang segendut dia. Anehnya dia minta gue geser, malah mau duduk di sebelah kanan gue. Rese. Ya udah tuh gue geser.

Kemudian apa yang terjadi?

Dia ngedudukin tangan gue. Gue yang terkejut mengibas-ngibaskan tangan gue, kesakitan. Terus dia langsung tersenyum minta maaf sambil bilang; "eh maaf, maaf, maaf..." dan memegangi tangan gue. Gue yang baru aja selesai kaget, kaget lagi karena dia megang tangan gue, koreksi, meremas tangan gue, dan gue bilang sambil senyum "eh iya, gak papa kok." Setelah itu dia senyum lagi seraya kembali MENGGENGGAM TANGAN GUE DAN MENARUHNYA DI PANGKUANNYA. Oke, pertamanya gue masih bisa terima karena dia yang menimpa tangan gue dan berusaha membantu tangan gue untuk keluar dari himpitan pantat besarnya, tapi ini kelewatan.

Gue mulai merasa gak nyaman dan berpikir orang ini bermaksud yang enggak-enggak. Dia nanya; "sekolah ya dek?" Dalam hati gue berkata, ya iyalah sekolah tulul. lu gak liat gue pake seragam rapi gini? Gue ingin tahu apakah dia emang sebego tampangnya, karena jelas-jelas lokasi yang terjahit di seragam gue menerakan nama sekolah gua.

Gua memutuskan untuk menjawab: "iya, sekolah."

Mungkin salah denger, dia nanya lagi, "hah, kerja?"

"Nggak, sekolah." Balas gue dengan sedikit keganggu. Mas-mas tak dikenal ini terus saja memegangi tangan gua dan tampaknya tidak peduli terhadap usaha keras gua untuk melepaskan diri dari genggamannya.

"Oh, sekolah", ucapnya sambil terus senyum-senyum, yang gue kasih tau lu semua, bener-bener menjijikkan. Ini mas-mas kegenitan banget. Serius. Serem gue liatnya.

"Kelas berapa?"

"Kelas 2." Gue bertekad ngejawab singkat-singkat aja, yang emang sama sekali nggak susah, mengingat gua ingin melepaskan diri dari dia.

Terus dia bilang lagi, "Kalo aku (aku, pula) ngajar di SMK 7." Terus apa urusannya sama gue kalo lo ngajar di SMK 7??? Gue bahkan nggak tahu SMK 7 itu di mana, jerit gue dalam hati. Gue bener-bener gak mau terlibat percakapan lebih jauh lagi dengan orang psycho ini. Gue pengen turun, tapi tanggung, kalo jalan jauh, sedangkan gue udah mau telat. Gue pengen bentak dia, tapi takut dia makin parah dan makin gak mau lepasin gue. Akhirnya gue tanggapi dengan senyum yang dipaksakan, "oh, gitu."

Orang itu senyum lagi sambil terus mainin tangan gue. Setiap gue tarik tangan gue, dia pegang lagi. Dia bahkan bersikeras untuk memegangi tangan gue ketika dia mengecek isi tasnya. Dalam hati gua bersumpah akan mendettoli tangan gue beberapa kali setelah sampai di sekolah. Kenapa nggak ada satu pun orang dalam bis yang tampaknya menyadari hal ini?

Setelah hening sesaat dan beberapa kali pelintiran tangan kemudian, dia nanya lagi.

"Di sekolah jurusan apa?"

Gua menggertakan gigi. Kepo banget sih nih orang. "IPS."

"Oh IPS", senyum menelnya tidak pernah meninggalkan bibirnya, ekspresi wajahnya seakan ia baru mendapat uang kaget. "Kalo aku ngajar."

Setelah kecanggungan beberapa saat, ia kembali melanjutkan monolognya.

"Iya", katanya sambil terus tersenyum menel, mengabaikan absennya tanggapan dari gue. "Aku ngajar bahasa Inggris di sana."

Lu kira gue peduli.

Gue yang nggak tau mau nanggapin apa dari pernyataannya itu, hanya tersenyum-senyum asem. Tapi tampaknya itu cukup baginya. Sial.

"Ntar main yuk ke sekolah aku", senyumnya, yang gue asumsikan dia maksudkan untuk terlihat menggoda, tapi gagal. "Nanti aku kasih nomor aku, catet ya..." Gue yang semakin freaked out berusaha terlihat seperti nggak mendengar pemintaannya, tapi setelah dia tanyain "mau nggak? mau nggak?" beberapa kali gue berikan senyuman asem gue kepada mas-mas itu. Biarin. Gak berarti gue bilang iya kan. Sebentar lagi juga gue akan turun dari bis jahanam ini.

Saat udah mau sampe depan Yogya, gue siap-siap turun. Dan, sialan banget mas-mas menel itu, menarik tangan gue dan berkata; "turunnya nanti aja....ya? Sama aku. Kita main ke sekolah aku." Gue yang udah memutuskan bahwa orang ini punya kelainan psikologis berusaha menolak dengan cara halus, karena gak tau apa yang bakal terjadi kalo gue jutekin dia. Mungkin dia bakal ngamuk? Gila? Nangis? Gak mau ngelepasin gue? Karena saking bingungnya, dengan rada menggumam dan mata nanar gue bilang, "ini udah telat..."

Sedih. Sedih banget, Ni.

Untungnya dia mendengar ucapan gue. Fyuh. Karena ini benar-benar situasi kritis di mana bis sudah hampir mencapai Yogya. Gue pun dengan senang hati beranjak berdiri, melepaskan diri dari cengkraman sang Orang Menel Gendut Gila. "Yah...udah telat ya... Nggak simpen nomor aku?", desak si mas-mas yang masih berusaha untuk menahan gue, meraih tangan gue untuk membuat gue tinggal lebih lama. Um, ew?

Melepaskan tangan, gue hanya tersenyum sekilas dan berkata, "lain kali deh" dan berbalik, mengabaikan tatapan kecewa dari si mas-mas creepy.

Setelah bis berhenti di depan Yogya gue segera turun tanpa sekali pun memandang ke belakang (ke arah si mas-mas tepatnya). Tuhan, gue harap gue gak ketemu dia lagi.

Jiuzhaigou Valley, China

Baru-baru ini gue menemukan tempat baru untuk diobsesiin. Gua mau sedikit membongkar rahasia nih, sebenernya gua agak terobsesi, oke, terobsesi banget, dengan tempat-tempat yang berair jernih. Maksudnya? Ya gitu. Tempat-tempat eksotis yang menampung air yang bersih banget sampai kelihatan dasarnya. Contohnya, perairan di Tanjung Lesung, Lombok, Raja Ampat, atau Ujung Genteng. Atau Curug Nangka (kok gak level banget nyontohinnya -,-). Atau sungai Niyodo di Jepang. Atau bahkan sungai di bagian Sakura Garden, Kebun Raya Cibodas itu. Gue suka semuanya. Gue bisa ngabisin waktu berjam-jam hanya menatap kejernihan air dari tempat-tempat tersebut. Sampe-sampe saat mandi aja beberapa menitnya gua abisin buat memandangi isi bak mandi dengan tertegun-tegun (ya ga gitu juga, Ni). Nah, sekarang gue telah menemukan objek pengileran baru, setelah iseng-iseng browsing internet. Kenapa gua baru menemukannya di samping obsesi gue terhadap tempat-tempat sejenis ini, gue juga nggak tau.

Oke. Jadi, namanya adalah Jiuzhaigou. Jiuzhaigou ini adalah sebuah lembah yang merupakan bagian dari Pegunungan Min, lokasinya ada di ujung Dataran Tinggi Tibet, provinsi Sichuan di barat laut China. Lembah Jiuzhaigou itu sendiri adalah bagian dari UNESCO World Heritage Site, jadi udah pasti tempatnya keren banget. Iya, kalo nggak keren gua nggak bakal ngefans, apalagi terobsesi. Nggak bakal jadi situs UNESCO juga, ah elah. Kenapa jadi gue yang senewen.

Jiuzhaigou itu secara harfiah artinya adalah Lembah Sembilan Desa (Nine Villages Valley), karena emang panjangnya sepanjang sembilan desa orang Tibet yang dilewatinya. Yang gue takjub banget dari tempat ini adalah air sungainya yang bener-bener jernih, tak tersentuh. Ya istilahnya masih perawan, lah. Bener-bener biru jernih, dan bukan biru biasa pula. Birunya unik, warna turquoise gitu. Mungkin karena kadar mineral yang terkandung atau jenis tanahnya, gue ga tau. Yang pasti keren banget. Pemandangan kiri-kanan sungainya juga spektakuler, apalagi menjelang musim semi. Memikat banget, bro. You'll be left speechless for the rest of your mortal life. Gue udah ga ngerti lagi mau ngejelasinnya gimana. mending liat gambarnya sendiri.

This is exactly why I worship this place.

Ada tempat-tempat tertentu yang bener-bener bikin gue pengen ngancurin buku yellow pages saking indahnya. Bikin gemes banget, menyadari bahwa duit di dompet gue tinggal 20 ribu rupiah. Go figure. 

Yang pertama:

 Bikin napsu

Lembah Rize. Ini salah satu objek populer yang paling banyak didatangi turis. Nggak heran, karena tempatnya emang keren abis. Panjangnya 18 km dan berada di bagian barat daya Jiuzhaigou. Sepanjang 18 km itu ada banyak tempat yang layak dikunjungi, salah satunya Pearl Shoal, yang dijadiin lokasi syuting dari seri TV Journey to the West (kudos to you who know it). Di Pearl Shoal ini terdapat Pearl Waterfall yang indahnya tiada tara~ Penasaran? Gugurekasu! Google it. Gue males nguploadnya. 

Yang kedua:

*Hyperventilating*

Lembah Zechawa. Ini satu juga gak kalah keren. Pokoknya kalo udah ke sana lo bisa mati damai deh. Keren banget sumpah. Lu harus liat foto lainnya, karena keren-keren semua. Bahkan yang diambil dari sudut jelek aja keren. Bahkan mungkin kalau ada orang jelek pose di sana bakal terlihat indah seperti malaikat. Bahkan mungkin gue...ah lupakan. Nah, Zechawa Valley ini berada di bagian tenggara Jiuzhaigou. Di sana ada Long Lake, danau terbesar di Jiuzhaigou, Five-color Pond (Danau Lima Warna) which I desperately want to visit, or plunge myself into to be exact, dan the lovely Seasonal Lakes yang kece abis, abis, seabis-abisnya. 

Yang ketiga:

 Eye-gasming.

Lembah Shuzheng. Bagian utama dari Jiuzhaighou, ada di sebelah utaranya. Pemandangannya sangat eksepsional, sepanjang 14,5 kilometer Anda akan menemui Nuorilang Falls (Air Terjun Nuorilang), Nuorilang Lakes (Danau Nuorilang) yang ada bendungan alaminya, Sleeping Dragon Lake (Danau Naga Tidur) yang terdapat semacam tanggul yang menyerupai bentuk naga yang sedang tidur, dan Reed Lake (Danau Alang-Alang) yaitu rawa yang dipenuhi alang-alang dengan sungai kecil berwarna biru-hijau jernih menzig-zag sepanjangnya, keren banget gue mau mati.

Sebenernya masih banyak tempat-tempat lainnya di Jiuzhaigou yang bisa diekspos di sini, yah tapi seenggaknya gua udah nunjukkin tempat-tempat utama yang umum ada di jalur wisata Jiuzhaigou. Gue gak tau kapan gue bakal ke sini, tapi gue harap gue bisa...walaupun sekarang gue hanya bisa termenung-menung memandanginya dengan iler yang menetes semakin deras... Ini bener-bener kejadian Sungai Niyodo yang terulang kembali, if not more than that. Curcol dikit, gue sampe nangis (beneran, dari berkaca-kaca sampe ingusan) pas ngeliat filmnya dokumentasinya (tentang Sungai Niyodo) di NHK, sebegitu besarnya obsesi gue terhadap tempat-tempat seperti ini. Dan Jiuzhaigou? Lebih dari apapun yang pernah gua lihat di Niyodo. *brb nyari tisu*

That moment when that short scene breaks your heart...

Simba: Dad, Dad, come on, you gotta get up. Dad, we gotta go home.
(pulls on Mufasa's ear) 
Simba: Help!
(echoes throughout the gorge)
Simba: Somebody!
(echoes)
Simba: Anybody...
(echoes)
Simba: (Sniffs) Help...
(Heartbreaking music plays)
(Simba slips into Mufasa's arm and weeps)
 Me: *Burst into tears*

Not Good Enough

My life seems to be on the down side lately, at least that's what I feel. So let me rant here for a bit.

It's as if everything I do, or how hard I tried, or how much I put effort into, doesn't seem to work out the way I expect it to be.

It's as if I'm not good enough. No matter how hard I try to be good at something, there's always someone better than me. I tried so hard, really, to improve myself. To hone my skills. Just to have something I'm good at. To be special. What's wrong with that, right? You know, to be special. Everybody wants to have something to be proud of, don't they? I mean, we all have a Tom Riddle inside of us. But no, that's not enough. All that effort, just not enough. I'm still not good enough.

It's eating me inside, you know. That feeling of helplessness, like the farther you run, the farther your goal is. Like every new door you succeeded to open just shows how far you really are from your destination. That dreaded feeling of how hard you chase them--those people you look up to--but will never be their equal. Like you've done everything in your power but still can't change anything; you're still your old sucky self. Not changing a tad bit. It's frustrating. Dejecting. Makes you just wanna pull your hair out. And then scream as loudly as possible, have a breakdown and fall to your knees.

It's like everything's going downhill, my confidence, self-esteem, all of it. I'm being cynical to the world, easily offended and hurt, being jealous over people and end up hating them, feeling inferior to everyone yet still mocking them because of my own insecurity towards myself; more or less making me a mess. Not exactly a healthy state to be in. And to be completely frank, I'm tired to be like this. This pathetic, weak, feeble-minded me. I'm tired of blaming other people because of my own shittiness (ha, is that even a word). Wallow in my own puddle of self-pity. And so done with self-loathing. I just want to be good, really, to be on the lead on just one field; just one. Am I asking too much? Why is everything so difficult? Why is it so hard to reach, that dream of mine? Why can I never feel good about myself?

I can't seem to find an appropriate title for this one

Jadi gini, gue tuh lagi males banget. Jadi sekarang gua mau bikin inovasi baru. Yaitu menggunakan kata sebutan orang pertama lain, saya.
Saya sedang gundah nih, saya prihatin dengan masa depan saya. Kenapa tampaknya kemalasan sangat menghalangi ambisi saya. Kalau begini terus kan, bisa-bisa saya kalah saing dengan murid lainnya yang juga berebut masuk universitas ternama. Bilang saya ngelantur, tapi keadaan otak saya memang rada absurd begini. Saya juga bingung, kenapa ya tidak ada orang yang mencoba menemukan obat penghilang malas? Frekuensi gelombang otaknya diatur sedemikian rupa gitu, dan menghindari seseorang untuk mengarah ke arah malas-malasan. Pasti orang itu langsung kaya, ya. Maksud saya, siapa juga yang tidak mau dirinya terlepas dari segala kemalasan? Populasi orang-orang malas di dunia ini juga pasti sontak berkurang. Tidak ada lagi penyakit pandemik jahanam bernama kemalasan. Jika saja ada, ya, hal seperti itu. Tiga kali sehari dengan seteguk air putih selama seminggu, dan kau pun menjadi rajin seketika! (seperti iklan bilang). Walaupun terdengar sci-fi banget, malah mungkin dongeng ya, apa mungkin ya suatu saat diproduksi hal seperti itu? Apa yang bakal terjadi pada umat manusia? Maksud saya, kemalasan itu juga adalah salah satu pertanda bahwa diri kita adalah manusia. Dapat merasakan malas membuat kita manusiawi. Terdapat kepuasan tersendiri juga dengan mengalahkan malas. Apa yang terjadi bila hal seperti itu dihilangkan hanya dengan produk farmasi pengubah proses kimia dalam tubuh? Bukankah pada dasarnya, manusia hanya akan menjadi semakin malas? Dalam konteks, kita tidak perlu bersusah-susah dalam mengalahkan malas itu sendiri. Hanya dengan pil dan setenggak air putih. Bukankah pada dasarnya, upaya kita dalam mengalahkan rasa malas tersebut yang membuat kita menjadi tidak malas? Bagaimana jika kita menemukan jalan pintas untuk mengalahkan rasa malas itu sendiri? Jika memang malas telah berhasil dihilangkan dari dunia ini, masih akan adakah konsepsi rajin? Jika memang semua orang telah menjadi rajin, apa yang bakal membuat seseorang disebut rajin, mengingat semua orang berlaku sama sedemikian rupa? Apakah akhirnya rajin itu yang akan menjadi malas? Atau akankah ada perubahan standar kompetensi antara kemalasan dan kerajinan? Anda tahu, saya sering sekali memikirkan hal tidak berguna seperti itu. Alangkah indahnya jika saya menggunakan waktu saya untuk berpikir yang tidak-tidak seperti itu untuk belajar, bukan? Dibanding dengan merenungkan tentang rasa malas itu sendiri, tidakkah lebih baik jika saya langsung beranjak dari sini dan belajar untuk mengejar masa depan saya yang saat ini sepertinya jauh sekali layaknya monas yang dilihat dari Bogor (baca: gak kelihatan)? Tapi itulah misteri dari suatu kemalasan, kawan. Pikirkan hal-hal yang telah anda perbuat karena kemalasan. Yang menyelewengkan anda dari tujuan anda sebelumnya. Seperti saya sekarang ini. Tahukah anda sekalian, seharusnya sekarang saya telah menyelesaikan seluruh naskah drama Bahasa Indonesia saya, jika tidak untuk kemalasan yang tiba-tiba menyerang dan menyuruh saya untuk memposting postingan aneh ini? Tahukah anda sekalian, postingan saya terkait study tour seharusnya sudah terpampang di tampilan antarmuka blog saya jika saja saya tidak cukup malas untuk menulisnya? Ada apa dengan segala kemalasan ini? Mengapa saya terus mengajukan pertanyaan yang memang seharusnya anda sekalian tidak ketahui jawabannya? Mengapa tidak kita sudahi saja postingan ini sebelum kita tersasar terlalu jauh?

Guilty Pleasure

Curiosity killed the cat.

But satisfaction brought it back.

.....with a slight pang of guilt and self-disgust.

Hubungan antara Sekolah dan Kreatifitas Siswa

Minggu ini gua udah mulai masuk sekolah lagi. Dan sekolah gue dengan kejamnya langsung mengadakan kegiatan belajar-mengajar dengan normal di hari pertama masuk tanpa meminta pertimbangan dari para murid. Hal ini tentu saja membawa dampak besar pada gua. Tentu aja jadwal mulai dari bangun pagi sampai tidur lagi berubah sangat drastis. Yang namanya mata masih berat pada saat upacara dan lu ketiduran sampe mangap-mangap sambil istirahat di tempat itu pasti terjadi, yah, setidaknya bagi gue.

Salah satu yang gua sadarin berubah drastis itu adalah kondisi binder gua. Tepatnya isinya. Yang di saat-saat liburan isinya begini semua:

Saat hari-hari pembelajaran aktif menjadi begini:

Dan gue telah membuat penelitian tentang tragedi ini.

Ini membuktikan bahwa terjadi penurunan kreatifitas drastis pada siswa, yang diakibatkan padatnya jadwal sekolah dan capeknya siswa karena pulang kesorean. Saat sampai di rumah, siswa sudah tidak mampu lagi untuk menggali ide-ide untuk dituangkan, amit-amit, megang pensil aja sudah nggak kuat lagi. Perlu diingat juga bahwa masih ada PR-PR untuk dikerjakan, belum lagi kewajiban-kewajibannya di rumah seperti menyapu, mencuci, dan makan.

Hal ini juga disebabkan karena lamanya jam pembelajaran yang sangat menyita waktu siswa sehingga siswa kehilangan waktu browsing-browsing untuk mencari inspirasi untuk pembuatan  karya-karyanya tersebut. Inspirasi itu timbul pada saat kita ada dalam keadaan nganggur, dan susah untuk muncul di waktu yang padat dan sibuk.

Dengan hal ini disimpulkan bahwa, daya kreatifitas siswa berbanding terbalik terhadap waktu sekolah. Semakin lama siswa dikurung untuk duduk diam di dalam sekolah, maka semakin menurunlah daya kreatifitas siswa, dan kesempatan/waktu siswa dalam berkarya.

Hal ini sangat mengkhawatirkan, apalagi mengingat tekad siswa tahun ini untuk lebih membesut karya-karyanya, bagaimana jika suatu saat sekolah menjadi semakin sibuk dan kreatifitasnya raib, hilang entah kemana?

Menyadari kenyataan ini, masih perlukah diberlakukan jam belajar sekolah sampai sore?

Sindrom Peter Pan

Sepertinya gua mengidap Sindrom Peter Pan ringan.

Bukan, bukan nama band yang belakangan diganti namanya menjadi Noah itu.

Sindrom Peter Pan itu istilah psikologis yang digunakan untuk mendeskripsikan keadaan dimana seseorang yang seharusnya sudah dewasa tetap bersikap kekanak-kanakkan di samping usianya yang sudah tidak sesuai, dan gagal untuk mengambil peran sosial dan tanggung jawab yang seharusnya ditanggungnya.

Singkatnya, immature.

Tahukah kalian bahwa istilah tersebut diambil karena ketakutan si tokoh Peter Pan itu sendiri akan menjadi dewasa?

More or less, that's what I often feel, and what I'm feeling at this moment.

Dulu, di saat temen-temen sedang asyik-asyiknya berkeinginan untuk menjadi cepat dewasa...
Gua berharap agar bisa terus jadi anak-anak

Dulu, di saat teman-teman berharap untuk segera lulus SD agar dapat segera merasakan SMP...
Gua berharap bisa ngedekem terus di SD

Dulu, di saat kelulusan SMP dan temen-temen sedang semangat-semangatnya untuk masuk SMA...
Gua berharap bisa tinggal di SMP terus


Saat waktu dengan kejamnya terus bikin kelulusan SMA semakin di depan mata tanpa persetujuan gue

Saat tubuh gue semakin beranjak dewasa dan gue menjadi semakin takut dipanggil 'mbak' instead of  'dik'... (iya...ini rada menyeramkan)

Saat gua semakin takut menjadi dewasa dan nggak bisa lagi bersenang-senang

Saat semakin banyak orang yang nge-judge gue atas segala tindakan gue

Saat gue gak lagi dilihat lucu oleh orang-orang jika tertawa tiba-tiba (adanya juga dikira gila)

Saat imej tampaknya menjadi semakin penting dan gue mulai memasang topeng-topeng

Saat tanggung jawab semakin menggunung

Saat harus berkomitmen pada banyak hal

Saat nggak bisa lagi hidup bebas 'semau gue'

Saat gua mau nggak mau harus serius merencanakan masa depan gua

Saat gua harus menopang dan menata hidup gue sendiri, bukannya bergelayut santai pada orangtua...


Gue pengen cengengesan terus. Cengengesan dan terus cengengesan.

Keketawaan dan menjawab ngaco saat ditanya serius

Guling-guling di tanah tanpa disangka orang gila

Mandi telanjang di depan umum tanpa disangka pornoaksi

Nyanyi-nyanyi seenaknya tanpa harus takut malu-maluin

Main game seharian, nonton TV sepuasnya, jalan-jalan seenaknya seakan gak akan ada lagi hari esok

Gue pengen dunia yang hanya ada mimpi, imajinasi, and loads, loads of sweets... ---dan hal-hal menyenangkan lainnya

Dunia dimana segala sesuatu masih sangat sederhana

Nggak ada kebohongan, hal yang dibuat-buat, dan teman yang nusuk dari belakang

Di mana nggak ada tugas, deadline, ujian, dan hal-hal lain yang berkaitan dengan prosesi menjadi dewasa

Di mana nggak ada seorang pun yang menuntut hal-hal serius dari gue

Hidup bebas gak terikat oleh kewajiban apa pun


Nggak, menurut gua jadi dewasa itu nggak menyenangkan

Pandangan yang belum berubah sejak gua kecil dulu

Walau dulu sering sih gua mikir untuk jadi dewasa di saat-saat gua dimarahin orangtua...hanya sekedar untuk marahin balik gitu...

But that's all.

Apalagi keuntungannya jadi orang dewasa?

Jadi dewasa itu menakutkan.

So, 

Time, wherever you are, I hope you listen to this; I'm begging you, don't move so fast.




Serius, gue takut dapet KTP tahun ini... jadi semacam paranoid gitu setiap ngeliat gambar KTP
Dan gimana kalo seandainya gue gede jadi ibu-ibu gosip yang selalu gue ledekin itu? 

I miss the times when everything was so simple.

New Year's Resolution

So, I'm welcoming the first day of the year by getting up late. Like, really, really late. It's already noon and I've just started my activity.
I won't be writing anything fancy for now. I'll just simply share my new resolution for this year.


After struggling in the blog world for a while, I realize that there are many amazing blog writers my age whose writing is far surpassing mine. Making me feel inferior with their extraordinary mind. I found out that they aren't just making entries randomly, like I often do, that they could spend hours just to write a simple, short, yet marvelous entry. Through a deep thinking and thorough editing. Making a simple, ordinary thing in life extraordinary. Compared to what I've been doing now, oh, mine is just some raw drafts that have yet to be processed. I certainly have never spend my time writing entries for more than an hour.

I can't help but feel completely jealous to them.

Is it too late for me to be serious about this? I mean, where was I all this time? Am I too old to start? While they already have a few years of experience ahead of me?

Well, there's no time for regrets. What have been done, is done. Time to move forward, to be better than before. Like what Walt Disney said;

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. We're always exploring and experimenting."

Everything has its process, and what we do isn't always ends up perfect. As long as we remain curious, and be determined enough to improve, well, we won't stop continue to develop. 

So, my resolution this year: 
To be more serious on writing my blog. Simple, but requires strong determination (I'm being serious here...it's really hard...not to mention the foul mood that always seems to dominate me). I don't want to lay waste my blog anymore. And left my already-screwed-up writing skill rusty. Hopefully, I'll get enough motivation to improve. Wish me luck!